21/05/19
So it’s been 21 days since my post about my own personal battle with Mental Health. I’d like to take a moment to say a huge thank you, honestly from the bottom of my heart for all the comments, messages and totally unexpected acts of kindness both big and small that I have received. It has made me appreciate how incredibly lucky I am to be surrounded by you guys in my darkest hours, some poor souls are nowhere near as fortunate.
I hope my tone in the post conveyed the fact that it was not just another Facebook rant, a quick vent or a little bit of drama in hope of some “reactions”. I have first hand experience of how detrimental to a reasonable standard of life mental health issues can be, how truly debilitating they can be across work, family and both the appreciation and view of ones self. I do not want others to feel like they need to go through this alone, I do not want others to feel they need to suffer in silence or that they should be afraid of letting the world know they are not ok.
Since my public outing of my mental health issues I have attended an inaugural group discussion with other men in similar situations to do the most important thing we can all do, listen and offer support. I’ve become far more vocal on the many mental health and related medication forums that I’m a member of. A few nights ago I found myself talking (albeit on messenger) to a complete stranger up north for about an hour as she had made a reach out post about not being in a good place right there and then and needing to talk. I listened, she listened, we were there for each other, two complete strangers.
On a more personal note I’m still off my medication, 32 days and counting, I will not go back to that existence.
I’ve been seeing a therapist each week, which has been incredibly enlightening but also brutal. I’ve become aware of some destructive patterns that have been repeated throughout all aspects of my life for many years. I’ve revisited some events that I hadn’t ever dealt with and that raw emotion had been occupying a considerable amount of my stress system, meaning even trivial events led to blow outs and melt downs.
The most important thing I have learnt is that I cannot carry on the way I have. Things need to change, some minor, some major and some fundamental. I’m learning about the actions I need to take, the direction I need to follow and the tools I can use to support myself on the way. I’ll be honest at this moment it feels like an overwhelming and unachievable destination, but for the sake of those rays of light that keep me in the game day after day I will get there. I will find Dan, I will learn to understand him, appreciate him and value him.
I will be him.
Make It Ok 